My last day in Germany

So, today is my last day in Germany. My flight home leaves at 10:00 am local time, so I've gotta be super early to make sure everything is packed and all that good stuff. I decided I wanted to write a little something about my experiences here and my anticipation towards going home after three months.

First, I still can't quite believe it's actually been three months. It doesn't feel like it's been that long at all. It feels like it's only been a few weeks, as if my first day here was barely past me. But apparently three months went by without me really noticing. I guess I can measure the passage of time by how much I've learned but I never considered it before because I'm always looking to improve. I wish I could've learned more in these short 12 weeks but I suppose if I want to keep learning, I'm going to have to do it on my own from now on. Good thing I planned on ordering the German channel package with DISH Network with I get back to Cruces!

I've really enjoyed my stay here in Berlin and learned a lot, not just in the school about the language, but I've learned so much about the culture and tensions by talking to people. Again, I wish I had more time to learn all I can about the people and their lives here. It's a fascinating country with a fascinating history and the way that history is still shaping the people is quite something. If anyone is looking for a vibrant, historically-rich, beautiful, and relaxed city in Europe, I would definitely recommend a trip to Berlin.

Although I got to see and experience so much in Berlin despite my limited budget, I wish I had taken the opportunity to see more outside the city. I only actually left the city twice, once to visit Potsdam, which is practically a part of Berlin and once to visit Dresden. I'm a little disappointed because I promised myself I would take a trip to Cologne to see the Köln Cathedral. That never happened. Neither did I get a chance to visit Hohenzollern Castle, which I was really hoping to see. I had also hoped to be able to spend at least a few weekends visiting other cities in Europe. I had imagined it wouldn't be very difficult to visit London, Paris, Prague, and Italy and indeed it really is easy to travel between EU nations. But time got away from me and when I realized I had to get a move on if I wanted to actualize any of those plans, it was too close to today and everything was much too expensive. I wish I had planned out some of those excursions while still in the US, because I could booked transport and lodgings in advance and it would have been reasonably priced. As it is, I spent three months in Europe and only saw one city. I'm pretty disappointed with that because I've spent my whole life dreaming of the day I could visit Europe and it feels like I've squandered that opportunity. Not to say my time in Berlin wasn't great, because it certainly was, but I don't know that I'll ever get a chance to cross the ocean again. I had the opportunity to see the cities I've studied for years and I couldn't take it. Oh well, in any case, Berlin was still a fantastic experience.

This trip also gave me the opportunity to cross two goals off my bucket list, learn German and visit Germany! It was truly a unique experience and I know I'll never look at some things quite the same. Not the sound morbid but it was quite the experience standing in certain places in Germany, looking out at some remarkable site and realizing Hitler once stood here, looking at the exact same thing. It's a chilling thought and it really drives home the terror of Nazi regime. I think for me the Nazi regime has always been a little more real than to most Americans my age because we're so far removed from it. We here the word Holocaust and we know what it means and we have some vague idea about international consequences but most people don't put much effort into learning what really happened in Germany 80 years ago. But I've spent years reading about it. I've watched recordings of Hitler's speeches, I've heard testimony from the Nuremberg trials, I've read accounts of concentration camp survivors, I even have a WWII Encyclopedia Set. I've written numerous papers for all different subjects in school about Nazism. For me, having a deeper understanding of the Nazi regime than most, the terror was always acutely real. But even at that, being there was something totally different. I know now that every time I see a picture of Hitler or Goebbels, or Himmler, or Heydrich, or any other top Nazi official in Berlin, I'm going to see where in that picture I stood. How close I was to that spot where they saluted the one who sanctioned the complete extermination of so many people across Europe. And for me, the worst part isn't even the Jews. Everyone knows about the great numbers of Jews who were murdered and they should. Those people should be honored and remembered. But what about the rest of them? Most people don't realize how many people and different groups of people were murdered in Nazi Germany. It wasn't just Jews. It started with political opponents, those who called out Hitler's radical views. It expanded to Jews and Gypsies and eventually to anyone considered by the arresting officer "asocial," which could mean they stole something or they weren't working toward the war effort, even if they hesitated to salute Hitler. But that's still not the worst of it. To me, the very worst part of the Nazi eugenics campaign was the extermination of the "unfit." Every mentally and physically disabled person  (including those with psychiatric problems and homosexuals) was rounded up and either killed, because they supposedly posed a risk to the health of the coming generations and were a drain on the government, or they were used in the God-awful Nazi science experiments, which I don't even like to think about. Those people are the ones I feel for most and they're the ones who are never mentioned, whose families still have not received any reparations for their losses. I think if more people looked into the atrocities committed against all the other people who were victimized by the Nazi regime, besides just the Jews, this would be a bigger deal and perhaps we wouldn't be so quick to forget.

But in the spirit of lightening the mood, I want to talk a little about going home. I'm really excited! Even though it doesn't feel like it's been three months, I still can't wait to see my family! I so miss my nieces and nephew! I can't wait to see those little brats! Of course my parents and my siblings as well! And also, I can't wait to see something there! I've eaten some truly delicious meals here in Germany and I'm going to miss some of the food but nowhere near as much as I currently miss green chile and tortillas!! My mouth is watering just thinking about! That's literally the first thing I have planned when I land in 'Burque. First get off the plane, then find some amazing food!! I'm also looking forward to seeing my friends, even though I only have a couple of those and we haven't talked much while I've been here. And after that, I can't wait to see the rest of my (Saiz-Lucero) family at our family reunion!! It's going to be perfect, both for getting home after three months abroad and then for having to go back to work in Cruces in the middle of summer (yuck!).

I'm also looking forward to a few other random things. Number one is driving! I've never liked being in close proximity to other people so not riding a sardine-packed train every day is definitely going to be awesome! I'm also really looking forward to being back at the house in Cruces. I only lived there for about month before leaving to come here but I got really comfortable there and I miss that comfort. I also surprisingly miss working. Mostly because I usually didn't have much to do after school since I'm not good at making friends, but also because I felt like I was wasting my time. I've always known I'm not good at having nothing to do, so I could never imagine just not having a job and now I know what that's like. As much as I dislike Walmart, I need work in my life. Also, work gave me pretty much my only instances of social interaction, and those interactions at work are more than enough for me, but lacking those I've discovered I actually look forward to them.

But it won't be too long until I can do all those things and for that I'm very happy. And I'm also very grateful to have had this opportunity. My family has been simply amazing and incredibly supportive in helping me get here and I can't thank them enough for all their help. I know this is an experience of a lifetime and I'll never forget it!